TO BE COACHED OR NOT TO BE COACHED…
THAT IS THE QUESTION!
Have you ever heard the term “Life Coach”? This is one of those new buzzwords that you will hear people talking about.
- So, what the heck is a life coach and what do they do?
- When should you seek help from a life coach or just deal with life’s problems on your own?
- And how is a life coach different from a counselor, a mentor, a consultant, an advisor, or a therapist?
I have spent the last 5 years as a Certified Life Coach helping clients overcome “life’s issues”. But when I was deciding about switching careers from finance to something else, I was wondering the same thing…how are these professions different, and is a life coach really effective?
The Wikipedia definition of a life coach states:
“Coaching is a form of development in which an experienced person, called a coach, supports a learner or client in achieving a specific personal or professional goal by providing training and guidance.[1] The learner is sometimes called a coachee. Occasionally, coaching may mean an informal relationship between two people, of whom one has more experience and expertise than the other and offers advice and guidance as the latter learns; but coaching differs from mentoring by focusing on specific tasks or objectives, as opposed to more general goals or overall development.
It has been my experience that coaching does generally focus on a specific objective but it can take place over long periods of time and can cover multiple areas of a person’s life.
In my coaching experience, a coach does not “give you the answer” like a counselor, advisor, or consultant would provide. An effective coach helps lead you to find the answers within yourself.
Similar to a mentor, a coach will guide you to consider alternative viewpoints and consider alternatives to your general way of thinking.
When you use a therapist, generally you as the client are the one speaking and answering questions posed by the therapist and that therapist will listen to your answers. They might offer some advice, but the advice is usually from a clinical viewpoint and not from personal experiences.
A coach is different from a therapist in this regard. A coach will often provide you with examples of their own personal experiences or those of their clients that are similar to the issue that you are facing. I find this to be a more personal and intimate relationship because I often share personal stories about myself on how I overcame that same issue. I don’t know any therapist who will deviate from keeping the conversation strictly about the client and the professional diagnosis.
Also, therapists are good at labeling the client’s issue or behavior. My belief is that anything can be changed if the client is open to that possibility. Much of what we are taught by our parents or society become our internal beliefs and ways of living. Once we are labeled with disorders, we begin to live into those symptoms and then we look for more evidence that supports that label.
You might hear someone say, “See, I told you I’m ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I can’t seem to focus and my mind keeps wandering”.
In this example, a person labeled with ADD could benefit by learning how to properly focus their attention and how to gain control over the conscious mind. Their conscious mind might be acting like an unruly school kid rather than a mature adult. By introducing tools of discipline, the mind can gain acute focus and attention. I know this because I am also a clinical hypnotherapist, in addition to a life coach, and I help clients gain control over their conscious and subconscious minds.
A life coach is not a licensed physician or medical practitioner. We can not prescribe medicine or diagnose a client medically. Some symptoms are serious and should be properly treated by a medical practitioner.
For serious mental disorders, such as bipolar, schizophrenia, etc., a life coach would not be the appropriate person to seek. This should be treated by a professional who is trained to deal with those specific cases and a life coach is not versed in these serious conditions.
A life coach is extremely helpful for people who are struggling with
- Relationship issues with spouses, kids, friends, co-workers, bosses, clients, vendors, lack of friends and feeling socially connected, etc.
- Self-Image issues such as lack of confidence, self-worth, issues with dependency on others, lack of self-empowerment, loathing of body image, weight loss or weight gain, etc.
- Financial fears such as not having enough money, negative views with the relationship to money, etc.
- Emotional barriers such as lack of motivation, lack of inspiration, anger issues, inability to overcome sadness or grief, feeling emotionally drained, lack of energy, etc.
- Inability to obtain a goal or objective such as with fear of the unknown, feeling frozen, indecisive, lack of organization, feeling overwhelmed or living a chaotic lifestyle, disbelief that it is possible to achieve, feelings of being a failure, etc.
The list of areas that a life coach can help with extends well beyond this shortlist above.
A life coach can be extremely helpful when life happens and you want a perspective from a professional who is not emotionally invested in your life, like a friend. A friend can help but sometimes they are too emotionally invested in your life to remain objective. A coach provides that objectivity and is professionally trained to help you see other alternatives that you may not have previously considered.
A coach is also a great “accountability” partner. One who wants to see you succeed and will be that gentle “nudge” that you need to push through obstacles and barriers that you are seemingly up against or are resisting.
If you choose to use a life coach, this is how it might look:
- The first part of your first session will be describing what is going on in your life that is causing you to seek a life coach in the first place. The coach will be asking lots of questions to gain an understanding of the situation. This also might be done during a consultation meeting or call before the actual coaching session.
- The coach will then begin by asking you what your intention is for the outcome of the session. What would you like to gain from the session?
- Based on your answers, the coach will begin asking questions that are related. The questions are generally geared to be thought-provoking questions to get you thinking about how to shift your perspective on the subject. Often much personal insight into yourself and your beliefs is discovered during that session.
- Sometimes a client has an “ah-ha” moment and might gain great insight that is needed to shift in a positive direction. Sometimes that insight comes later when the conscious and subconscious minds have time to contemplate what was discussed.
- The goal of the coach is to have you leave feeling better than when you arrived. If you walk away feeling more empowered or feel a renewed glimmer of hope, or more confident…then the coach has done their job well.
Yes, there are “bad” coaches out there. So, I highly suggest you interview your coach before engaging them formally. Coaching only works if you are willing to be totally open and vulnerable with that person. You must feel completely comfortable with that person and feel that you can trust them and their wisdom. If any of these are a “no”, then move on to finding someone else.
I have heard many client stories of coaches they previously used and for which they had a negative experience. In most cases, it was because the coach was inexperienced and was just starting out. In some cases, it was a clash of personalities where the coach was aggressive and forceful. I have never seen this approach work out well. All of the right answers are within the client and it is the coach’s job to help them discover the right answer for themselves. A coach who forces their opinions or beliefs on a client is just introducing their own way, which is not necessarily right for the client.
Life coaching does not require certification or training. Yikes! This is true. Beware! There are practicing life coaches who one day decided to become a coach because they felt they could provide great advice. There is no law against setting up shop without a certification. There isn’t a degree in college for being a life coach. This is not something that you go to college to major in. Coaches instead are trained by independent organizations that certify them. And the programs they offer vary widely from organization to organization. I’ve seen programs as varied as a one-day (8-hour program) to a one-year certification program.
The experience and knowledge of a coach who received their certification degree, after taking an 8-hour certification class, is vastly different from one who trained under a program that took a year with 100 hours of required experience before receiving their certificate.
I highly suggest you ask for their credentials and only use coaches who are certified and trained specifically with reputable organizations that specifically certify life coaches.
How do you know if using a coach is better than just going about it on your own?
Well, I would say that if you have been struggling for quite a while, have “tried everything” and are not getting anywhere, it is time to seek help! Even people who have been in therapy for years and aren’t progressing should consider switching to a life coach approach.
If you find that you are constantly leaning on your friends for advice but you continue to fall into the same patterns, it is time to consider a life coach.
If you are looking for peace of mind and don’t know where to turn, a life coach could be an excellent resource.
Hopefully, this gives you some insight as to whether or not a life coach is right for you. Seeking help does not mean you are weak or imperfect. You are human with real human problems. And those problems affect people in different ways. Everyone is dealing with something. So why not deal with that something sooner than later so you can get back on track to living a joyful life?
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