RECLAIMING YOUR POWER

Those who are closest to me know that I had surgery a few weeks ago to remove skin cancer from the tip of my nose. Just as the majority of us do when dealing with a doctor, or in this case–a surgeon, we give our power over to them…we put our life into their hands, we expect them to fix us, we trust for them to make decisions for us. 

Even though I teach others to listen to their inner guidance, their inner wisdom, I found myself falling into that same pattern of handing myself over to the expert…and it turned out to go very wrong and was inconsistent with my inner guidance. 

Spiritual growth often accompanies every opportunity (good or bad). And although this situation did not turn out ideally, I have come out the other end much stronger. During this ordeal, I have learned 3 very valuable lessons.

With the case of the removal of my skin cancer, the doctor performed Mohs Micrographic surgery, which was named after Dr. Fred Mohs.

The first lesson learned…

I let it go too long (about 1-2 years) before doing anything about it. This caused the area to grow in size and the surgery to be more involved. I did not listen to my body and tried to ignore it thinking it would disappear. I also used the excuse that I was too busy. I also use the excuse that we were in a COVID lockdown and other more threatening issues were consuming our medical professionals, so I should not put myself in a precarious situation of possibly being exposed to COVID. I wasn’t listening to my body!

During the Mohs surgery and thankfully after three tries, they were able to remove all of the cancer. But it left a gaping crater on the tip of my very small nose. Seventeen stitches later, I looked like a female version of Frankenstein. 

During the first week of healing, I really focused on listening to my body. When it was tired and needed rest to heal, I listened and changed my client schedule to work around afternoon naps and at times taking off work full days at a time. I enlisted the help of close friends to walk my dog throughout the day, so I would eliminate being upright and vertical because my nose would snot up and run light a faucet. 

During this first week, my face swelled all the way up to my eyes, causing the shape of my eyes to change. The doctor and his staff forewarned me that I will most likely see bruising, especially under the eyes.

I teach my clients that the body is divinely designed to heal itself and stay healthy. When your mindset is aligned with that view, the body WILL return to its natural healthy state.

During this first week of healing, I mediated a lot. More than usual…because I was already in bed resting. I focused on bringing in a healing light and rays of light into my body. I imagined the inner workers reconstructing my nose and bringing materials to the crater and rebuilding this area. I imagined all of my healing guides infusing their energetic light inside my body, raising my immune system and fighting off the inflammation and any unseen infection.

I went back to the doctor a week later and to my amazement, the swelling had gone completely down, with the exception of redness and swelling around the tip of the nose. I never bruised once. I never even saw a remanent or any trace of a bruise, even though to the touch, it felt bruised on the bridge of my nose. And in my mind, I thought…well, maybe the signs of bruising is just delayed? It must be coming…

Lesson #2:

The visualization that I did during my meditations and throughout the week of healing, REALLY DID WORK! If I trust in the process and if I trust in my own higher self and my body, it will return to its natural healthy state. I have now learned to really trust my body’s healing process.

The doctor was amazed at how quickly I had healed and that I never bruised. He said it would have shown up by now if it was going to bruise…so I guess that meant I’m off the hook. He was so delighted at the progress, that he ordered my 17 stitches to be removed right there, rather than waiting another week as was his original plan.

So, off came the stitches and that is when my problems began.

Within a couple of days, the seam of my nose busted open, revealing all of the inner workings inside my nose. As I was instructed to do so, I cleaned out the wound with hydrogen peroxide and used Q-tips multiple times a day.

Over the course of the week, the gap widened to a Grand Canyon size crater on my nose.

When I returned to the doctor a week later, he was surprised to see the splitting of the nose and promptly exclaimed that I needed to go back into surgery. However, he would not perform the surgery for another two weeks and therefore, I should come back in a week to check on it.

WHAT? Surgery? Off you go with this gaping canyon on your nose for another two weeks? No trying to splice it together? No trying to close the wound?

So off I went, believing that he must know what he is doing. He has been practicing surgery for over 20 years. He is the expert, right?

Lesson #3:

I had surrendered my power over to him. I completely believed that he was the expert. However, I kept getting a nagging thought that something wasn’t right about this situation. But I kept going on with the plan even though intuitively it did not make sense. 

After a few days into this, the hole was getting wider and more red. It was getting harder to keep clean. I finally decided that I needed to turn inward and ask for some guidance. This time I needed to listen to my own inner self.

Funny thing is that when I meditated at the beginning, before my surgery, I asked my higher self if I should have the surgery. Answer: Yes. I then asked my higher self if this doctor was the right doctor. Answer: No. Did I listen to that? Obviously, no. 

How often do we ignore our inner voice and go with what we think is right? In my case, this doctor was recommended to me by another dermatologist. I was feeling the pressure of needing to get this cancer out of me quickly and that I did not have enough time to find someone else. So, I settled. And now I’m paying the consequences.

Bonus Lesson:

Don’t settle! Even though you don’t have all of your options just yet, don’t settle because a better option might be around the corner. And it might save you lots of heartache and headaches in the future.

When I decided to finally take matters into my own hands and this was before my next scheduled visit to the doctor, I decided to buy some butterfly bandaids online. Butterfly bandaids are used in place of sutures to pull skin together over a wound.

Pulling and pushing my nose back together and securing it with the butterfly bandaids was not easy and a little painful. But I did it. Overnight on the first day, the redness and swelling went down considerably. So, I knew I was onto something.

Each day I was able to get the gap to close more and more. 

I meditated more and more each day, remembering that human bodies have healed even worse wounds, such as with war or major car wrecks. This should be simple, compared with what it is capable of doing. I visualized having the shape of a perfectly proportioned nose with smooth skin. I increased my Vitamin C intake to help aid in my healing.

I’ve also had to process my emotions toward this doctor. At times I felt angry at him. At other times I felt upset at myself for being “naïve” or kicking myself as to why I did not listen to my original intuition of finding someone else.

I allowed these emotions to surface and process out of me. I know that by holding onto these emotions, our bodies breakdown and cause more negative health issues. I did not want to exacerbate this even more. So, I focused on processing these emotions and instead, bring in the feeling of appreciation.

I figured out a way to genuinely appreciate this doctor. I could feel my appreciation and gratitude that this doctor was able to remove all of the cancer. I appreciated that I learned how important it is to listen to my inner knowing and how to sift through what the right decision is for me and my body. I appreciated that I have learned more about my body and my poor nose than I ever had up to that point.

Through meditation, I also was able to tie this experience to a pattern that has been running throughout my life…fear of being noticed/seen and fear of being criticized. This might seemingly not be related to my nose, but for me having something wrong with my nose:

1. Causes me to not want to be in public 🡪 staying out of the public eye and protecting me from my fear of being noticed/seen.
2. Causes me to stay out of the public eye 🡪 by staying out of the public eye, I can’t be criticized for something I said or did.

By developing this skin cancer to begin with, it was my body’s way of communicating these fears to me. In other words, these fears and beliefs manifested into skin cancer on my face. It could have developed on another unseen part of my body, but it specifically developed in a spot that affected me most.

I still have some remaining inner work to do to let go of these fears. But our spiritual growth is a journey. Often it is not a one-time event. We get to perfect it throughout our life-time.

By sharing this story with you, publicly, is a big step for my healing. 

So how did it end with my nose?

I went back to my doctor’s appointment (one week before my scheduled surgery date) and the doctor’s jaw dropped on the ground. He could not believe the progress in just one week and he took the surgery off the table; canceling my appointment. I was no longer needing a second surgery. Hurray!

By taking my power back, listening to my inner guidance, and trusting in my body, I have changed my future circumstances, improved my situation and learned some key lessons about myself.

This was a personal growth experience for me and now going forward:

1. I am now going to listen to my body and turn my attention inward for guidance.
2. I’m going to wholeheartedly trust that my body is divinely designed to heal and fix itself. I’m going to let go of thoughts, words and emotions that pull me away from that knowing.
3. I’m going to keep my power within me and not settle on what seems to be the most direct path or easiest path. 

Even though these circumstances might not directly apply to you, the lessons are universal and extend beyond a bump on your nose.